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Rat Race Predictions from a Cracked Crystal Ball By Christine Durst & Michael Haaren Jan. 5, 2012 Ringing in the New Year, we consulted our crystal ball for the most likely rat-race developments of 2012. Unlike other famous balls, such as the ones used by political experts or various public figures we are too discreet to name, ours doesn’t work perfectly. It got cracked in a traffic incident just before Christmas, when we threw it at a driver in Northern Virginia who texted through 37 green lights at the Tyson’s Corner Mall. With that caveat, here are our best guesses for what 2012 holds in store for people who would like to de-stress their lives, spend more time with loved ones, get off the gerbil wheel and work from home. 1. Rickshaws will become big in Los Angeles and Washington, D.C. As Los Angeles and Washington -- aka the Capital of the Free World of Sheet Metal -- continue to jockey for the coveted spot as the most gridlocked city in America, rickshaw use will soar. In Los Angeles, the long white limousines so beloved of eco-minded celebrities, worthy of King George IV or of any successful madam in a cosmopolitan locale, will go out of style as passengers realize their inherent limitations as immobilized thrones. Elaborate rickshaws, some as long as a city block and pulled by teams of unemployed news executives and print journalists, will rapidly take their place. In Washington, much more modest rickshaws, their commuter passengers seated by twos to qualify for HOV status, will dart nimbly between the tract houses and apartments which now form the shoulders of the Beltway. This will conveniently bypass the vehicles abandoned in the Beltway’s two lanes and 743 construction zones. Public officials in Washington, for their part, will rely more heavily on helicopters, private planes and yachts. These will also be used on occasion to visit their offices to address their staffs on the importance of constituent needs. 2. Telework will explode. The automobile, oil, ethanol-agriculture, highway, airline and commercial real estate lobbies will spontaneously band together to promote home-based work. Recognizing the positive impact that telework will have on stress, obesity, insomnia, depression, heart disease and other pathologies, the pharmaceutical and medical lobbies will rapidly follow suit. 3. Birth rates will plummet. As Latino families realize that North America just isn’t worth the trouble, and the American middle class sees that its own days are numbered, adults will stop procreating. Club Med will be reborn as a destination for swinging singles, and Playboy Clubs and singles-only apartment complexes will once again dot the land. Disco balls, whose prices on eBay have been artificially depressed for so long, will skyrocket in popularity, igniting an investment fever that will make the Dutch tulip craze look like an AARP forum on funeral plans. Otherwise, things will be pretty much the same as they were last year, except there will probably be more or less of it. ---- Christine Durst and Michael Haaren are leaders in the work-at-home movement and advocates of de-rat-raced living. Their latest book is Work at Home Now, a guide to finding home-based jobs. They offer additional guidance on finding home-based work at www.RatRaceRebellion.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2012 BY STAFFCENTRIX, DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS.COM |
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